you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
