I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
