i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
