a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
