i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
