You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
