They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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