i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
