I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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