No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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