Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize