Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
