I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
