so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
