Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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