i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dick very happy bro
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
