He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
