I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know her cup size but not her name....
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