please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize