i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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