I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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