The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And then he peed in my hair
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