Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
