lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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