i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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