im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
