do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
