Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
