Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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