is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
