So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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