1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
