wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
