my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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