i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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