Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
