We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found the puke drawer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
