Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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