Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
