ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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