Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
