HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
