i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
