I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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