So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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