whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
