Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize