I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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