Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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