That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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