You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
