Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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