you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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