i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
