Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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