I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
