I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
