Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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