I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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