there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If that was your dad, he is hot
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
