I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
