I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize