i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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