I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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